Twin Cities Weekend Preview

Twin Cities weekend is always a very tense time of year around the SCRC corporate headquarters and 2007 is no exception. With four members running the marathon, two running the 10-miler and the rest planning to protest along the course, the Company is more polarized than any other time in its history. As always, the polarization is along sharply ideological lines. The marathoners are generally newer members, well known for their pro-race positions. The pro-choice members are generally older, and the reasons for their positions on the sidelines are far from uniform. Barring some unforeseen injury, this weekend's decision will come down to Slab City's two swing-racers in the 10-miler.

Dan "Chapel" Church will try to avoid the second marathon curse that has plagued other Slab City members. Coming off a very strong season riding the circuit, Chapel is expected to impose a speed limit on himself and an undue burden on any pro-choice spectator hoping to shout at him for more than a few paces. The Aerobic Animal, Andrew Schroeder, is very likely to sign any opinion drafted by Chapel. After a summer training in Virginia Schrades seems to have shed some of his reluctance to speak with the press. In a recent interview he explained, "On Sunday I will throw down."

Not so optimistic but easily as vitriolic is Andy Sherman, elder-statesmen of the pro-race movement. A polemic dissenter, racing even when inappropriate or likely to contribute to a disharmonious Company, The Shermanimal has seen his popularity and influence skyrocket with Slab City's recent influx of young pro-race members. His June opinion in In Re Grandma's Marathon was 25minutes faster than anything he'd previously authored and he's spent the summer with Chapel, riding the circuit and preparing himself for Sunday's case. In recent months his health has become a larger question mark, however, and if he needs to recuse himself the pro-choice members would have one less reason to shout.

Nick Mascioli is the newest, youngest, most intolerant pro-race member. He is also Italian, and showed up to his first Slab City practice demanding that we all call him Justice Samuel Alito. None of us get it either. Alito cut sugary alcohol from his diet, though, and is looking trim heading into this weekend. He'll spend Sunday morning trying to persuade Phil Schrader, historically pro-choice, to sign on to a pro-race opinion. The debate could take as much as four hours.

Swing racers, Chris "Bizyah" Lundberg and Ben "Smerch" Merchant, are likely to determine which side carries the day for Slab City. They bing different backgrounds to the 10-miler, Bizyah staunchly pro-race and Smerch typically a more moderate pro-choice member. The danger for the pro-choice contingent is not whether Smerch will win. He will. Instead, pro-choice members will be watching intently, hoping that Bizyah does not attempt to influence other voting by leading Smerch for 7 or 8 of 10 miles. That could mean a disastrous outcome. But I won't describe it.

Swing racers go at 7:10am, pro-race marathoners go at 8am! Pro-choicers, bring something clever to yell.