Twin Cities Recap

This is why we live in Minnesota. Days like this. If you raced the Twin Cities Marathon, if you raced the Twin Cities 10-Miler, you know what I mean. The Dixie-whistlers in Chicago had to deal with the oppressive conditions you would expect from a southern marathon. Ninety-degrees. Ninety-percent humidity. That is just insane. Is it any wonder that native Moroccan, Khalid Khannouchi, won four in a row down south? North of the equator here in Minneapolis the day broke crisp, twenty-degrees colder than the starting temperature in Chicago. A comfortable moisture hung in the air like a cozy fleece against the 70-degree chill. And although 10,000 runners toed the line, the weather conditions had all but anointed Ukrainian and Russian champions before the race began.

Slab City Running Company fared well against the elements. Native Wisconsinite, resident Virginian, and full-time Aerobic Animal, Andrew Schroeder led the Company in 2:43:53, a PR by over seven minutes. His 36th place finish is the best in Company history. "Well, I've been watching a lot of Man vs. Wild" Schroeder explained in a post-race interview. "The biggest challenges are always mental. For me, once I resisted a pretty strong urge to dive off the Franklin Avenue bridge in order to demonstrate what to do if you happen to dive off the Franklin Avenue bridge, I knew I was going to have a solid performance." Schroeder executed his race strategy the same way he executed spectators who failed to provide sufficient fluids, with medical precision.

Dan "Chapel" Church finished just four places behind Schroeder and delivered the Company's gutsiest performance. Taking aim at the local elite time-standard, 2:35, Chapel held his goal pace for twenty miles before remembering that he wanted to stay awake to watch the Red Sox clinch the ALDS. He slowed down just enough to guaranty himself a 2-minute PR, 2:45:20, but the most impressive part of his performance was not his steely focus over the final 10K. Chapel's time is most amazing because it includes a quick stop at his apartment to hit refresh on ESPN Gamecast. Chapel, who has already established himself as one of Minnesota's elite sitters, likely secured elite standing for the next two years at the Twin Cities Marathon by finishing sixth among Minnestoans.

Allen Lundberg giggled his way to the finish line in just under four hours, but he saved his sprint for the trip from the chute to the Caribou Coffee stand. His 15s split for post-race arrival and full-cup consumption edges his younger brother's 2005 mark by 3s. The two are said to have then engaged in a pissing contest.

Also, we are pretty sure that Andy Sherman ran this race. We saw him last night and he said something about a "full body shiver." It kinda grossed us out. Plus, it was cold for everyone. Suck it up, man.

No, if there was tragedy for the Company at TCM 2007 his name was Phil Schrader. Loyal fans recall his marathon debut and his impressive string of sub-3hr marathons and perhaps they shake their heads at his 3:32:19. We do not. We worry that something greater than minutes and seconds was lost on Sunday morning. We saw his grim finish and thought whimsically to his stirring performance in 2005. Though he finished with the masses on Sunday, it appeared he was no longer their champion. Gone were waving arms and populist kisses. In their place, the single-minded pursuit of a material finish line, painted on concrete and not on his soul. Those of us who remember 2005 teared-up after the race as Schrader suggested we "head over to Target."

Whither then some constant in a bitter world that freezes marathoners and Schrader's heart alike? A hopeful Company turns of course to Schroeder and Chapel, but also to Ben Merchant and Chris Lundberg of 10-Mile persuasion. Smerch capped an impressive season by placing a reassuring 50th in the US Championship field, and Biz raced without a shirt. For fans, for humanity, for the Company, maybe that is all we need. Smerch and his consistent performance, Biz and his naked chest; these are our anchors in the frozen ocean we call home.

Slab City will compete sporadically but enthusiastically over the next month. Bizyah returns to action on November 4th in New York. Schrader returns to Target tomorrow. And Chapel will spend the next several weeks defending his 2006 Minnesota Sitting Championship against his chief rival, Andy Sherman.

Twin Cities Weekend Preview

Twin Cities weekend is always a very tense time of year around the SCRC corporate headquarters and 2007 is no exception. With four members running the marathon, two running the 10-miler and the rest planning to protest along the course, the Company is more polarized than any other time in its history. As always, the polarization is along sharply ideological lines. The marathoners are generally newer members, well known for their pro-race positions. The pro-choice members are generally older, and the reasons for their positions on the sidelines are far from uniform. Barring some unforeseen injury, this weekend's decision will come down to Slab City's two swing-racers in the 10-miler.

Dan "Chapel" Church will try to avoid the second marathon curse that has plagued other Slab City members. Coming off a very strong season riding the circuit, Chapel is expected to impose a speed limit on himself and an undue burden on any pro-choice spectator hoping to shout at him for more than a few paces. The Aerobic Animal, Andrew Schroeder, is very likely to sign any opinion drafted by Chapel. After a summer training in Virginia Schrades seems to have shed some of his reluctance to speak with the press. In a recent interview he explained, "On Sunday I will throw down."

Not so optimistic but easily as vitriolic is Andy Sherman, elder-statesmen of the pro-race movement. A polemic dissenter, racing even when inappropriate or likely to contribute to a disharmonious Company, The Shermanimal has seen his popularity and influence skyrocket with Slab City's recent influx of young pro-race members. His June opinion in In Re Grandma's Marathon was 25minutes faster than anything he'd previously authored and he's spent the summer with Chapel, riding the circuit and preparing himself for Sunday's case. In recent months his health has become a larger question mark, however, and if he needs to recuse himself the pro-choice members would have one less reason to shout.

Nick Mascioli is the newest, youngest, most intolerant pro-race member. He is also Italian, and showed up to his first Slab City practice demanding that we all call him Justice Samuel Alito. None of us get it either. Alito cut sugary alcohol from his diet, though, and is looking trim heading into this weekend. He'll spend Sunday morning trying to persuade Phil Schrader, historically pro-choice, to sign on to a pro-race opinion. The debate could take as much as four hours.

Swing racers, Chris "Bizyah" Lundberg and Ben "Smerch" Merchant, are likely to determine which side carries the day for Slab City. They bing different backgrounds to the 10-miler, Bizyah staunchly pro-race and Smerch typically a more moderate pro-choice member. The danger for the pro-choice contingent is not whether Smerch will win. He will. Instead, pro-choice members will be watching intently, hoping that Bizyah does not attempt to influence other voting by leading Smerch for 7 or 8 of 10 miles. That could mean a disastrous outcome. But I won't describe it.

Swing racers go at 7:10am, pro-race marathoners go at 8am! Pro-choicers, bring something clever to yell.